Monday, February 25, 2008

Open Ice Hits scoops the deadline!

So we at Open Ice Hits are confounded by the absolute silence on all things trade deadline related. Through some investigative sleuthing, here's what we've been able to uncover for our readers:

Iginla to Leafs for Steen: Details to follow, in the finest style of all the best media sources. Note that Colaiacovo wasn't included in this swap - he and Tlusty are to be packaged together for Phaneuf. Local Leafs sources claim that Calgary is giving them the shaft on this one - nobody Facebooks quite like T-Lusty.

There is also a straight-up offer for Kipper - this would involve Raycroft, one for one. Of course, Calgary is a clear winner in this one. After all, which one of these two guys has a Calder? Huh? That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, Montreal
: Word is (and we're really about the last people to comment on this) that Montreal is interested in some local boys to freshen up the look of their team. Did I say "local?" Did I mention "looks?"

That's right. Montreal has offered Calgary a pair of Ray-bans in return for Matthew Lombardi. Darryl Sutter has not yet commented on this offer, but has been heard musing about whether the new shades would go with the cowboy hat. Jury is out on this one.

There's another local boy Montreal's interested in, as we all know. Alex Tanguay has attracted an amount of interest so intense Lombardi has been giving him pouty resentful looks this week. While Michael Ryder is the name most mentioned in combination with this, we have one Ryder already, and he's broken. Citing a mistrust of the manufacturer, Sutter has offered to package five first-round picks AND Tanguay, all in exchange for Carey Price's sweaty jockstrap. A whiff of that, and our boys will be ready to go all the way.

The Great Blue North
: Edmonton has been looking for a stay-at-home kind of player (literally, they're looking for a guy who wouldn't leave the city), and everybody knows Regehr is THE stay at home man. Plus, it would signficantly reduce the amount of wear and tear on Ales Hemsky. The Oil, unbelievably, have offered quite generously, the rights to negotiate with one Chris Lauren Pronger, and a bag of pucks. And who can resist a steal like that?

This just in: Tampa has been busy tonight, and upon hearing about negotiations for Regehr's services, offered Calgary instead the bloody towel that staunched Dan Boyle's bizarre cut to the wrist earlier this year. Citing the tight timeline of the remaining season, and the rather difficult quarantine requirements for biological materials going across the border, Tampa was politely rebuffed. Unless they would like, publicly, to admit that goal in Game 6 was IN.

On the home front: Much impressed by his strong play since leaving the embrace of the press box (did we not tell you???), the Flames organization has today signed Marcus Nilson to a contract extension. The terms of the deal are undisclosed, but it is understood that #26 will get to cherrypick from amongst the local virgins offered annually to Dion Phaneuf as part of his contract extension. Er. So to speak.

And finally, a trade the Flames win: Our blogosphere comrades have much lamented this season that Eric Godard is kind of useless. Kind of really useless. Well, for a limited time only, we can swap him for an impact player. From Phoenix, no less. That's right! Godard will be shipped out to sunny Arizona, in a precedent-setting swap for SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. I don't think there's been a bigger impact player on the block this season. There is some risk involved on the Flames' front... if Godard is suspended by the NBA for any reason between now and playoff time, we have to take him back.

And actually, I take it all back. What's wrong with a nice quiet trade deadline?


  1. LOL this made me my all around shitty day, this made me smile. Thanks you!!

  2. Hey have you been talking to Bruce Garrioch? ha ha well done.

  3. Mmmm, Matthew Lombardi. I wonder what the Wild would have to give up for him.

  4. Bethany: You know I'm sorry. Actually, I wish you'd kept Foote. I really do. Stupid Avs.

    Kyle: Thanks, but these were all inspired by naught but mine and Dave's overactive imaginations. Are you suggesting we could get a media job? :)

    Kirsten: Hey. He's ours!!!! :P

  5. L: those sound like some fun drugs....

  6. You guys probably could get media jobs. Those trades were more realistic than some of the ones being offered up by the media.

    But, but, but, Lombardi is fucking up my Flames hate! I NEED him to play for my team!

  7. leanne: I'd probably hire you anyway!